The way the British media talks about the royal family is so fucked up it's insane I was watching the British news the other night (it was either the BBC or Sky I cant remember) and a journalist on it described the queen as a grandmother to the nation. What the fuck. If a journalist in North Korea or China or Russia called their leader the grandfather of the nation these British journalists would be falling over themselves to call those nations and peoples brainwashed. But it's totally normal for supposedly neutral and unbiased news shows to worship an unelected woman who defends her paedophile son and is happy for 2 billion pound to be poured down the drain on a celebration that she doesnt even show up to while millions in the UK are struggling to feed their families. Ok.
I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!
Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.
At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.
We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”
THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.
Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.
oh my god
there was only one bed
but it was STAGED
I love this so much
New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!
AU:There was only one bed - by design👀
i need y'all to steal and repost my anti-lawn memes to as many pinterest boards and facebook pages as possible
Oh, look, yet another vivre card in the need of correction. Well, maybe not correction but definitely improvements can be made.
Benn Beckman
- Benn Beckman is originally from the North Blue, and is the oldest of the Red Haired Pirates. Because of course he is. It's pretty much his job to keep this idiots alive, and yes, that has caused him to gray. Whose fault is that, Captain.
- When the crew heard that one of them had been proclaimed an Emperor of the Sea, Shanks just assumed it was Beckman. They ALL just assumed it was Beckman. It took a very sober, very persistent barmaid almost four hours to convince them, no, this wasn't some "joke paper". Really! The government considered SHANKS a proper yonko (they had a banner made for the party and everything! At least the booze didn't go to waste.)
- I believe it was a young man from the Island Of Anglo that once said, "Akagami Shanks is the sun, and Benn Beckman the moon!" (The rest of what he said failed to be transcribed due to.... The nature of the resulting activities.)
- The crew calls Benn an "anchor" because he is like a steady presences that helps keep the crew in place. And also because he cannot swim. A rare trait in the world of first mates, since most captains are stupid enough to eat anything they can get their hands on, devil's fruits included (and it has taken Benn A LOT OF EFFORT to keep that from happening. His captain will eventually get bored enough to put just about any damn thing in his mouth. Like a toddler. A freakishly powerful, infamous the world over, pretty much able to do as he wishes without consequence toddler.)
- Have you met Shanks and the rest of those morons? Yeah, Benn smokes. Maybe forgive him this one bad habit. Considering that crew, we're lucky he's not injecting black tar heroin.
- I don't know if this is already apparent, but him and Shanks? They do fuck. On the regular.
- Benn Beckman's wanted posters are noted for not only declaring the man is to in no way be brought to a navy facility unless he is most definitely a corpse, but also because it lacks a precise bounty. Junior members of the Marines occasionally ask, but the only answer they get is a hearty laugh. Why's it matter, Greenie? What? Someone is gonna show up having defeated Benn Beckman and looking for their money? Hahaha. Oh, maybe you're gonna go out there, stop all the evil pirates? Is that your big plan, newbie? (Seriously though, don't do that. Shanks does not like it when people go annoying Benn, and if Shanks gets upset, Benn will get upset and then we're all dead.)
sacredwarrior88 asked:
Can I please request headcanons for Shanks, Sanji, and Ace reacting to their shy and kind female S/O secretly having a high libido and becoming more sexually aggressive like this?
cyborg-franky answered:
I hope it’s okay that I am making this gender neutral because alot of my headcannons don’t often have room for pronouns!
Ace
- Ace thought he would have to be the one to make the first move.
- He was pretty awkward about it at first, he knew you were soft and shy.
- One night he suggested it to you, he didn’t make eye contact, sat on the bed rubbing his arm and mumbling ‘only if you want’
- The noise this boy made when you grabbed him and pinned him to the bed.
- He blushed brighter then his flames burned as your straddled him, pinning his arms above his head.
- “Is that a yes?” He said with a laugh
- “I was getting bored of waiting for you to suggest it..” You said before starting to kiss his neck.
- Ace hadn’t expected this at all
- He was walking kinda funny later that night.
Sanji
- Sanji would always do that half joke half serious thing of 'haha what it we kissed…’ but 'haha what if we fucked’
- You looked him dead in the eye as you slammed your hand on the wall next to his head, looking at him with such intent.
- “Alright, here, over the counter” You said.
- Sanji stared at you, he stared and stared as blood dripped from his nose.
- Never in a million years did he think someone as cute and soft as you had this in them.
- You were about to grab his junk when he interrupted “Not in my kitchen though….”
- He’d never been dragged out the kitchen so fast in his life.
Shanks
- You were both sat in bed, you reading a book and he looked over some charts.
- He glanced over at you, so soft and gentle, perhaps that’s why he’d hesitated making a move yet.
- “So, think tonight we could..”
- The speed you threw your book across the room, taking the map from his hand before you straddled him.
- You were in for a surprise when Shanks held you close, rolling your both over to pin you down.
- “I appreciate the enthusiasm love but that’s not how I play this game” He said with a chuckle.
TAG LIST:
Twitter stealing our ideas again
No, they can have this one. I think it would be funny
I posted 2,754 times in 2021
210 posts created (8%)
2544 posts reblogged (92%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 12.1 posts.
I added 1,136 tags in 2021
- #tma original - 171 posts
- #from the depths of the dragon's hoard - 167 posts
- #one piece - 114 posts
- #akagami no shanks - 104 posts
- #one piece x reader - 102 posts
- #shanks - 101 posts
- #one piece imagine - 98 posts
- #akagami no shanks x reader - 97 posts
- #shanks x reader - 94 posts
- #akagami no shanks imagine - 88 posts
Longest Tag: 66 characters
#how dar you tumblr artist making me attracted to a cat gremlin man
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
Imagine starting a party tradition for the whitebeard pirates
On an uninhabited tropical island
Ace: *having a good time with his friends*
You: *sits near by and starts carving into a pineapple with a knife*
Ace: what are are you doing?
You: don't look you'll ruin the joke, give me a minute
Ace: okay then *goes back to chatting with one of his crew mates*
Ten minutes later
You: *imitating marco's voice* hey Ace, who am I-yoi? *Holds the pineapple carved in the likeness of Marco the phoenix in front of your face*
Ace: *chokes on his drink* holy shit (y/n)
You: watch your profanity yoi
Ace: *leans too far back in his chair as he laughs and falls*
You: *still holding the pineapple up, you lean over him* what is the matter Ace-yoi?
Ace: *still laughing* please stop! It hurts *holds his stomach to try and ease the pain*
You: do you need a doctor yoi?*tilts your head and the pineapple to the side*
Ace: *laughing but now in tears* I'm gonna kill you, please stop!
Marco: (y/n) what are you doing to Ace?
You: *not breaking character or lowering the pineapple you look at Marco* I think something is wrong with Ace yoi.
Thatch: *starts laughing* (y/n) you evil genius.
Marco: I don't sound like that
You: *turns to whitebeard* what do you think, pops yoi?
Whitebeard: *turns his head and snorts*
Marco: ha ha have you had your fun (y/n)?
You: *lowers the pineapple* yes
Marco: are you done?
You: yes *goes and carves the marco pineapple into a drink cup, fill it with juice, put a straw in it, and you give it to Ace*
Ace: *tears still running down his face* oh thanks, what I always wanted, a fruit Marco.
Thatch: can I have a fruit Marco, too?
You: sure *ends up carving everyone a marco fruit*
Next party
Whitebeard: (y/n) I'd like a marco pineapple again
You: on it pops *pops open your switch blade*
381 notes • Posted 2021-05-03 19:01:20 GMT
#4
Imagine Shanks deciding to let you join the crew after realizing you are quite funny
Massive Sea king: *raises itself out of the water and stares down at the red force
Shanks and Benn: *stunned silent*
You: oh what fresh fuckery is this
Shanks: *thinks that's the greatest thing he's heard all week and fully intends to incorporate it in his vernacular*
On the Moby dick with Shanks and, whitebeard and his crew.
Whitebeard and Shanks: *exchanging information and small talk over a cup of sake*
Teach: *talking shit about Shanks under his breath with his crew mates, but loud enough for everyone to hear* I bet his dick is a different shade that the rest of his skin.
Shanks and whitebeard: *hear him but elect to ignore it*
You: *overhears and loudly retorts* yeah, it's every shade of your mother's lipstick.
Shanks: *chokes on his drink* (y/n)!
Whitebeard: *has the sake come out his nose* garahrahrahrah you picked a feisty one
Shanks: I haven't decided on whether or not they can stay yet
Whitebeard: oh sure, if you don't want em I'll take em. They're perfect for keeping my boys on their toes.
Shanks: I didn't say I was willing to let them go.
Whitebeard: garahrahrahrah, I suppose that's fair.
sabaody archipelago at Shakky's bar
Some random lady: *whining about her husband*
You: *annoyed with her* will you shut the fuck up?
Some random lady: you obviously don't have a husband
You: yeah, that's why I'm gonna fuck your's now instead.
Benn: *looks over at Shanks* can we please keep them?
Shanks: *sighs* yeah
Benn: congratulations (y/n), you're officially a member of the red haired pirates
You: fuck yeah!
384 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 19:02:21 GMT
#3
Imagine learning Karl is very weak to signs of affection part 1
Karl: *has been working on some designs for hours*
You: *enters the room* Karl
Karl: I'm busy
You: I know darling, you skipped lunch so I thought I'd bring you some snacks and something to drink. *Puts a tray of food and a mason jar of water with a lid and a napkin*
Karl: why the mason jar?
You: it's the only container we have with a lid, I wanted to make sure your drink was in a container with a lid so it didn't spill and ruin your designs. *Puts your hands on his shoulder* please make sure to take a break and you stretch so you don't hurt yourself.
Karl: *blushing* alright.
You: dinner is at five thirty, see you then. *Gives him a kiss on his temple and leaves*
Karl: *pulls the brim of his hat over his face* they'll be the death of me.
That night
Karl: *returns to work after dinner*
You: *notices the factory has gotten pretty cold so you throw a blanket in the dryer and starts making hot cocoa*
Ten minutes later
You: *drapes the warm blanket around Karl's shoulders and puts a cup of cocoa next to him before leaving the room*
Karl: *didn't notice how cold he had gotten so he pulls the blankets tighter around himself* I've worked long enough *gets up and goes to the rooms you've made into living quarters to find you cleaning the kitchen and he stands behind you just watching you*
You: *turns around and jumps when you see him* sweet heart you scared me. Can I get you something?
Karl: I'm calling it a night, why don't you join me?
You: sure, give me a minute to wash my hands.
Karl: *flops down on the couch with his hot cocoa*
You: *wipes your hands* can I sit in your lap this time?
Karl: what?
You: can I sit in your lap to share the blanket?
Karl: *his voice cracks* sure *adjusts himself on the couch so you both can put you feet up*
You: *slides into his lap and takes ahold of one of his hands, pulls it into your lap, and begins to gentle massage lotion into it*
Karl: what are you doing?
You: you work with your hands all day, let me take care of them for you. Plus I like the way they feel in my hands. *Gives his knuckles a kiss*
Karl: *having an internal error 404*
You: Karl?... Karl, hey! ... Karl you still in there?....*straddles his lap and cups his chin in your hands to tilt his head back to get a closer look to see if he has a concussion*
Karl: I'm fine!!
You: oh that's a relief, I was worried there for a minute.
Karl: * grumbles* you worry too much
459 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 19:00:55 GMT
#2
Imagine Karl learning you speak German the hard way
Author's note: I took German in highschool and college so I'm rusty at German so I had to look up a few things. If they're not correct, sorry, send me the proper thing and I'll fix it.
Edit: everything has been fixed, anything that's not right has most likely been left on purpose. Thank you for the fixes @sweetwizardheart
The first week of knowing Karl
Karl: I asked for the fucking Phillips head not the flat head! *Throws the screw driver across the room*
You: *yelps in surprise*
Karl: *grumbles* Du bist für nichts zu gebrauchen (you are useless)
You: I'm sorry, I'm still learning please be patient with me. *Gets the proper screw driver and puts the one he threw back in it's original spot*
A month later
You: I made sandwiches for lunch! *hands him his plate*
Karl: *takes a big bite* es ist lecker, mein Schatz (it's delicious, my treasure)
You: *stares at him for a second*
Karl: it's alright
You: oh wonderful
Three months later
You and Karl: *on the couch in front of a flaming trash can, cuddling for warmth*
Karl: *his arm around you, and his hand running up and down your arm* (y/n)
You: *looks up at him* yes?
Karl: ich liebe dich, Schöne (I love you, beautiful)
You: *genuinely surprised* what?
Karl: it's nothing forget I said anything
Six month later
You: *infinitely more comfortable with Karl* I take it you'll need the eight millimeter wrench?
Karl: *on a rolling board under a machine* no, the ten millimeter
You: *hands him the wrench but drops it*
Karl: Arschgeige! (Literally means ass violin, but it's a rude outdated way of saying someone is an asshole)
You: *slams your foot down on the rolling creeper, right between his thighs, his testicles practically on your toes, and you pull him out from under the machine* Pass auf, Junge. (Means "watch out, boy" but in this case it's used as a warning)
Karl: Du kannst Deutsch! (You can speak German)
You: die ganze zeit (the entire time) *pushes him back under the machine and leaves*
Karl: *scrambling to get out from under the machine* wait! Warte! Liebling komm zurück! (Wait, darling, come back!)
You: *already in the elevator*
Duke: *hears Karl running after you and is absolutely delighted by the drama* oh my, what's going on?
You: Karl's a dick *exits the elevator on the top floor*
Karl: *floats up on a gear* where is (y/n)?
Duke: what did you do, I don't think I've ever seen them this mad before
Karl: I've been speaking my mind out loud in German, and it turns out they speak it as well.
Duke: I can sell you a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne for three thousand lei
Karl: *sighs and reaches for his wallet* make it three bottles, and do you have any condoms
Duke: getting a little a head of yourself, don't you think?
Karl: do you have em or not?
Duke: yes *gives him the goods* good luck Lord Heisenberg. It's best to just apologize for whatever you did
Karl: yeah yeah, thank you.
469 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 19:02:50 GMT
#1
Imagine the nickname the red haired pirates gave you making its way onto your wanted poster
Shank: welcome to the crew princess *ruffles your hair*
You: that's not my name
Shanks: too bad *sticks his tongue out at you*
During a fight
You: *is cornered by several marines*
Benn: hang on princess, I'm coming! *comes to your rescue* four men against one woman! You boys ought to be ashamed of yourself!
When you receive your first wanted poster
You: no! No!
Shanks: what's wrong
You: this is your fault
Shanks: what I do?
You: this! *Holds up your poster for him to see*
Shanks: *snorts* oh my god
You: shut up!
Benn: *just woke up from a nap* what's going on?
Shanks: our little princess got their first wanted poster?
Benn: oh, really what's your bounty?
Shanks: six hundred million berries
Benn: damn princess, for a first time bounty that's up there.
Shanks: but wait it gets better, get a load of this *holds the poster up for him to see*
Benn: *bursts out laughing* can we frame that?
Shanks: you bet your sweet bippy we will.
In a fight against the marines
Smoker: so you must be princess of the red haired pirates
You: *furious* that's not my name! It's a nickname they call me!
Smoker: excuse me?
You: my name isn't princess, if I tell you my name can you get the damn poster fixed? My captain and crew have been giving me hell about it.
Smoker: I can do that
A week later
You: *receives a new poster with your preferred name on it, goes to shanks and slaps it on the table in front of him* read it and weep
Shanks: *looks at the poster* no! They changed it!
You: Smoker kept his word, I stand by my opinion that he's one of the only reliable Marines.
Shanks: I'll get it changed back
A week later
Shanks: *had his meeting with the five elder celestial dragons*
You: *receives a new poster with the name princess on it again* Shanks! What did you do!
Shanks: I asked the five elders to change it back and not allow it to be changed again
You: why!
Shanks: because you're our princess
I posted 2,754 times in 2021
210 posts created (8%)
2544 posts reblogged (92%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 12.1 posts.
I added 1,136 tags in 2021
- #tma original - 171 posts
- #from the depths of the dragon's hoard - 167 posts
- #one piece - 114 posts
- #akagami no shanks - 104 posts
- #one piece x reader - 102 posts
- #shanks - 101 posts
- #one piece imagine - 98 posts
- #akagami no shanks x reader - 97 posts
- #shanks x reader - 94 posts
- #akagami no shanks imagine - 88 posts
Longest Tag: 66 characters
#how dar you tumblr artist making me attracted to a cat gremlin man
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
Imagine starting a party tradition for the whitebeard pirates
On an uninhabited tropical island
Ace: *having a good time with his friends*
You: *sits near by and starts carving into a pineapple with a knife*
Ace: what are are you doing?
You: don't look you'll ruin the joke, give me a minute
Ace: okay then *goes back to chatting with one of his crew mates*
Ten minutes later
You: *imitating marco's voice* hey Ace, who am I-yoi? *Holds the pineapple carved in the likeness of Marco the phoenix in front of your face*
Ace: *chokes on his drink* holy shit (y/n)
You: watch your profanity yoi
Ace: *leans too far back in his chair as he laughs and falls*
You: *still holding the pineapple up, you lean over him* what is the matter Ace-yoi?
Ace: *still laughing* please stop! It hurts *holds his stomach to try and ease the pain*
You: do you need a doctor yoi?*tilts your head and the pineapple to the side*
Ace: *laughing but now in tears* I'm gonna kill you, please stop!
Marco: (y/n) what are you doing to Ace?
You: *not breaking character or lowering the pineapple you look at Marco* I think something is wrong with Ace yoi.
Thatch: *starts laughing* (y/n) you evil genius.
Marco: I don't sound like that
You: *turns to whitebeard* what do you think, pops yoi?
Whitebeard: *turns his head and snorts*
Marco: ha ha have you had your fun (y/n)?
You: *lowers the pineapple* yes
Marco: are you done?
You: yes *goes and carves the marco pineapple into a drink cup, fill it with juice, put a straw in it, and you give it to Ace*
Ace: *tears still running down his face* oh thanks, what I always wanted, a fruit Marco.
Thatch: can I have a fruit Marco, too?
You: sure *ends up carving everyone a marco fruit*
Next party
Whitebeard: (y/n) I'd like a marco pineapple again
You: on it pops *pops open your switch blade*
381 notes • Posted 2021-05-03 19:01:20 GMT
#4
Imagine Shanks deciding to let you join the crew after realizing you are quite funny
Massive Sea king: *raises itself out of the water and stares down at the red force
Shanks and Benn: *stunned silent*
You: oh what fresh fuckery is this
Shanks: *thinks that's the greatest thing he's heard all week and fully intends to incorporate it in his vernacular*
On the Moby dick with Shanks and, whitebeard and his crew.
Whitebeard and Shanks: *exchanging information and small talk over a cup of sake*
Teach: *talking shit about Shanks under his breath with his crew mates, but loud enough for everyone to hear* I bet his dick is a different shade that the rest of his skin.
Shanks and whitebeard: *hear him but elect to ignore it*
You: *overhears and loudly retorts* yeah, it's every shade of your mother's lipstick.
Shanks: *chokes on his drink* (y/n)!
Whitebeard: *has the sake come out his nose* garahrahrahrah you picked a feisty one
Shanks: I haven't decided on whether or not they can stay yet
Whitebeard: oh sure, if you don't want em I'll take em. They're perfect for keeping my boys on their toes.
Shanks: I didn't say I was willing to let them go.
Whitebeard: garahrahrahrah, I suppose that's fair.
sabaody archipelago at Shakky's bar
Some random lady: *whining about her husband*
You: *annoyed with her* will you shut the fuck up?
Some random lady: you obviously don't have a husband
You: yeah, that's why I'm gonna fuck your's now instead.
Benn: *looks over at Shanks* can we please keep them?
Shanks: *sighs* yeah
Benn: congratulations (y/n), you're officially a member of the red haired pirates
You: fuck yeah!
384 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 19:02:21 GMT
#3
Imagine learning Karl is very weak to signs of affection part 1
Karl: *has been working on some designs for hours*
You: *enters the room* Karl
Karl: I'm busy
You: I know darling, you skipped lunch so I thought I'd bring you some snacks and something to drink. *Puts a tray of food and a mason jar of water with a lid and a napkin*
Karl: why the mason jar?
You: it's the only container we have with a lid, I wanted to make sure your drink was in a container with a lid so it didn't spill and ruin your designs. *Puts your hands on his shoulder* please make sure to take a break and you stretch so you don't hurt yourself.
Karl: *blushing* alright.
You: dinner is at five thirty, see you then. *Gives him a kiss on his temple and leaves*
Karl: *pulls the brim of his hat over his face* they'll be the death of me.
That night
Karl: *returns to work after dinner*
You: *notices the factory has gotten pretty cold so you throw a blanket in the dryer and starts making hot cocoa*
Ten minutes later
You: *drapes the warm blanket around Karl's shoulders and puts a cup of cocoa next to him before leaving the room*
Karl: *didn't notice how cold he had gotten so he pulls the blankets tighter around himself* I've worked long enough *gets up and goes to the rooms you've made into living quarters to find you cleaning the kitchen and he stands behind you just watching you*
You: *turns around and jumps when you see him* sweet heart you scared me. Can I get you something?
Karl: I'm calling it a night, why don't you join me?
You: sure, give me a minute to wash my hands.
Karl: *flops down on the couch with his hot cocoa*
You: *wipes your hands* can I sit in your lap this time?
Karl: what?
You: can I sit in your lap to share the blanket?
Karl: *his voice cracks* sure *adjusts himself on the couch so you both can put you feet up*
You: *slides into his lap and takes ahold of one of his hands, pulls it into your lap, and begins to gentle massage lotion into it*
Karl: what are you doing?
You: you work with your hands all day, let me take care of them for you. Plus I like the way they feel in my hands. *Gives his knuckles a kiss*
Karl: *having an internal error 404*
You: Karl?... Karl, hey! ... Karl you still in there?....*straddles his lap and cups his chin in your hands to tilt his head back to get a closer look to see if he has a concussion*
Karl: I'm fine!!
You: oh that's a relief, I was worried there for a minute.
Karl: * grumbles* you worry too much
459 notes • Posted 2021-06-05 19:00:55 GMT
#2
Imagine Karl learning you speak German the hard way
Author's note: I took German in highschool and college so I'm rusty at German so I had to look up a few things. If they're not correct, sorry, send me the proper thing and I'll fix it.
Edit: everything has been fixed, anything that's not right has most likely been left on purpose. Thank you for the fixes @sweetwizardheart
The first week of knowing Karl
Karl: I asked for the fucking Phillips head not the flat head! *Throws the screw driver across the room*
You: *yelps in surprise*
Karl: *grumbles* Du bist für nichts zu gebrauchen (you are useless)
You: I'm sorry, I'm still learning please be patient with me. *Gets the proper screw driver and puts the one he threw back in it's original spot*
A month later
You: I made sandwiches for lunch! *hands him his plate*
Karl: *takes a big bite* es ist lecker, mein Schatz (it's delicious, my treasure)
You: *stares at him for a second*
Karl: it's alright
You: oh wonderful
Three months later
You and Karl: *on the couch in front of a flaming trash can, cuddling for warmth*
Karl: *his arm around you, and his hand running up and down your arm* (y/n)
You: *looks up at him* yes?
Karl: ich liebe dich, Schöne (I love you, beautiful)
You: *genuinely surprised* what?
Karl: it's nothing forget I said anything
Six month later
You: *infinitely more comfortable with Karl* I take it you'll need the eight millimeter wrench?
Karl: *on a rolling board under a machine* no, the ten millimeter
You: *hands him the wrench but drops it*
Karl: Arschgeige! (Literally means ass violin, but it's a rude outdated way of saying someone is an asshole)
You: *slams your foot down on the rolling creeper, right between his thighs, his testicles practically on your toes, and you pull him out from under the machine* Pass auf, Junge. (Means "watch out, boy" but in this case it's used as a warning)
Karl: Du kannst Deutsch! (You can speak German)
You: die ganze zeit (the entire time) *pushes him back under the machine and leaves*
Karl: *scrambling to get out from under the machine* wait! Warte! Liebling komm zurück! (Wait, darling, come back!)
You: *already in the elevator*
Duke: *hears Karl running after you and is absolutely delighted by the drama* oh my, what's going on?
You: Karl's a dick *exits the elevator on the top floor*
Karl: *floats up on a gear* where is (y/n)?
Duke: what did you do, I don't think I've ever seen them this mad before
Karl: I've been speaking my mind out loud in German, and it turns out they speak it as well.
Duke: I can sell you a box of chocolates and a bottle of champagne for three thousand lei
Karl: *sighs and reaches for his wallet* make it three bottles, and do you have any condoms
Duke: getting a little a head of yourself, don't you think?
Karl: do you have em or not?
Duke: yes *gives him the goods* good luck Lord Heisenberg. It's best to just apologize for whatever you did
Karl: yeah yeah, thank you.
469 notes • Posted 2021-06-25 19:02:50 GMT
#1
Imagine the nickname the red haired pirates gave you making its way onto your wanted poster
Shank: welcome to the crew princess *ruffles your hair*
You: that's not my name
Shanks: too bad *sticks his tongue out at you*
During a fight
You: *is cornered by several marines*
Benn: hang on princess, I'm coming! *comes to your rescue* four men against one woman! You boys ought to be ashamed of yourself!
When you receive your first wanted poster
You: no! No!
Shanks: what's wrong
You: this is your fault
Shanks: what I do?
You: this! *Holds up your poster for him to see*
Shanks: *snorts* oh my god
You: shut up!
Benn: *just woke up from a nap* what's going on?
Shanks: our little princess got their first wanted poster?
Benn: oh, really what's your bounty?
Shanks: six hundred million berries
Benn: damn princess, for a first time bounty that's up there.
Shanks: but wait it gets better, get a load of this *holds the poster up for him to see*
Benn: *bursts out laughing* can we frame that?
Shanks: you bet your sweet bippy we will.
In a fight against the marines
Smoker: so you must be princess of the red haired pirates
You: *furious* that's not my name! It's a nickname they call me!
Smoker: excuse me?
You: my name isn't princess, if I tell you my name can you get the damn poster fixed? My captain and crew have been giving me hell about it.
Smoker: I can do that
A week later
You: *receives a new poster with your preferred name on it, goes to shanks and slaps it on the table in front of him* read it and weep
Shanks: *looks at the poster* no! They changed it!
You: Smoker kept his word, I stand by my opinion that he's one of the only reliable Marines.
Shanks: I'll get it changed back
A week later
Shanks: *had his meeting with the five elder celestial dragons*
You: *receives a new poster with the name princess on it again* Shanks! What did you do!
Shanks: I asked the five elders to change it back and not allow it to be changed again
You: why!
Shanks: because you're our princess